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Channel: oral sex Archives — MadameNoire

Tammy Says She Wants A Threesome But Waka Won’t Give Her One

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2019 BET Social Awards At The Tyler Perry Studios - Show

Source: Marcus Ingram / Getty

If you’ve watched Tammy and rapper Waka Flocka Flame, you know that while there is real love between the two, they don’t always see eye to eye.

They disagree about Tammy’s creative process in the studio, how to discipline their daughter and on the lighter end of the spectrum, they have different views about how things go down in the bedroom as well.

Recently, Tammy appeared on Angela Yee’s Lip Service podcast—which actually took place over Zoom.

During the chat, Tammy shared that while people might think Waka would be more adventurous in the bedroom, she’s the wild one.

One thing can both agree on is oral sex.

Tammy said blow jobs work wonders for Waka.

“I have learned- and it’s like scientific studies that I have done on my household…if I was to get up and suck his d*ck, his day is so good! He be so excited! Like, he’ll have a great day, and he’s got energy, and he’s so happy. Girl, if I wake up and give him some booty, his day is great. If I don’t give him none for a few days- he got an attitude, he walkin’ around, he gotta smoke all the blunts. I’m like, ‘Godd*mn!’…he’s like, ‘If you really just blew my socks, like, every morning- I swear to God, we’d be good!”

Thankfully, he is a giver as well.

“All the time! He does it way more than I do!”

But when it comes to inviting a third party into their bedroom, while is here for it, Waka is not.

“I’m the more open one- like the more free one. And people would think that it’s Waka, but it’s me. [I’d be down for a threesome,] if he would give me one, b*tch! He won’t give me one! I think it’s so selfish, ’cause, ‘N*gga, you had your fun! Your whole career you had three and four b*tches- you had your whole little fun! And I’ve been at home being a good little wife.”

If Tammy were ever to get Waka to agree to a threesome, she said she would be the one to pick the woman.

“You don’t pick sh*t! You just sit the f*ck down! I don’t think I would be down with that, ’cause I would be like, ‘How the f*ck y’all know each other? Why her?’…yeah, I don’t think I would like that.”

You can watch the full interview in the video below.


Issa Talks About “Insecure’s” Controversial Fellatio Scene And Her Preferences On Where A Man Finishes

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Nearly three years ago, a particular episode of “Insecure” had the streets talking about Black women, sexuality, and whether or not we’d evolved into not only gleefully giving head but accepting the messiness that sometimes comes along with it.

You may remember that in a scene where Issa was performing fellatio on Daniel, he warned her that he was about to cum. She attempts to move her head, he held it down and some of his ejaculate landed in her eye.

And chile Issa was UPset. She pushed Daniel away from her and stormed out of his place, holding a wet cloth over her eye as she took an Uber (Pool) back to her apartment.

I found it hilarious and an accurate reflection of the way I would have behaved in a similar situation. I believe in communication before, during and after sex. And discussions about where you’re going to drop your bodily fluids on my body is a part of that. But there were those who argued that the conversation about head and Issa’s reaction to the eye wash was immature and even outdated in the ways in which Black women’s ideals had changed in the past decade or so.

Apparently, the discussion was still top of mind for the women of Lip Service.

During an interview with Issa, they asked her about that scene as well as her personal preference for where cum should be deposited.

Check out the conversation below.

Angela Yee: You got a lot of backlash—and on Lip Service you got a lot of backlash too–for not liking cum on your face.

Issa: Laughs

Lore’l: Yeah, we didn’t understand your problem.

Gigi Maguire: That’s one of my favorite places for it to go. So I was like girl, why? It’s better there than inside.

Issa: She was dealing with an accumulation. She’s not about that hoe life like she thought she was. And it was an accumulation of what she felt like was disrespect. Things were not going her way. So that happening was like, ‘Okay, uhht uhh. It got in my eye.’ It was too much for her to handle and she felt like it was vindictive. I think she wasn’t ready to be about that life.

Lore’l: How do you feel about cum on your face though? You Issa. Not Issa “Insecure.”

Issa: I’m not a fan of it on my face. I don’t like it on any parts of my body. I would rather it be inside at all costs. I’m fine with that. I’m not about the Oil of Olay. I have lotion. I’m good.

You can watch Issa’s full Lip Service interview in the video below.

 

Want To Up Your Oral Sex Game? Try These Tips

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Close-Up Of Woman Holding A Banana

Source: Huzaime Wahid / EyeEm / Getty

By

While doing my usual internet reading and researching, I happened upon two articles on the topic of oral sex; two that clearly aren’t on the same page. One was entitled “Oral Sex Is Not The Measure Of A Partner“. It opened up talking about when DJ Khaled stated that (sigh) he didn’t go down and how, in spite of that being the shock (and disgust) that was heard around the world, no one should’ve cared but his wife. Not only that but oral sex should never be the be all or end all of a relationship. Eh. There’s a lot to get into today so I won’t expound too much. What I will say is I personally think that a lot of us rolled our eyes because he expected to receive what he was not willing to give; that it wasn’t a mutual understanding. Sir Khaled shared a huge double standard and, in the process, he also came off pretty selfish and high schoolish about cunnilingus. Actually…younger than that because I used to mentor teens and chile, these teens out here…never mind.

Then I read another article that was more up my alley. “Why You Should Never Settle For A Relationship Without Oral Sex“. Yeah, I’m totally with that. Not to say that I don’t know some people who hate to give and/or receive oral sex. If that’s you and your partner is cool with that, feel free to skip over this or forward it along to someone else. But if you’re someone who is like, “Oral sex is a total non-negotiable in my relationship”, so much in fact that, from where you sit, the more you can learn about it, the better, this is your lucky day.

Giphy

While I personally think that a willing and curious spirit is half of the battle when it comes to keeping your partner happy and satisfied in the oral sex arena, as with all things sexual, there are things that can be done to take things to another level. If you’re ready to do that—or to teach your partner how—I’ve got some tips that will make you smile and would definitely make Khaled blush a few times over.

1. Do Some Reading on the Topic. From Black Women.

Black women are naturally sexy. That is a full and complete sentence. That’s why, if you’re a little apprehensive or self-conscious when it comes to discussing oral sex with your girls (because they tend to have some good tips), I recommend looking up some articles and podcasts from sistahs who are totally liberated when it comes to the topic.

Two that come to mind are the article “‘HELLA BLOWS’: AN ESSAY ABOUT SUCKING D*** – WE MUST STOP SHAMING BLACK WOMEN ABOUT ORAL SEX” (yep, it’s printed in all caps) and the podcast “Listen: Eating that ass like groceries- Chatting about dining below the belt with Black Women Be Like and Guest” (love the African accents on this one). These are absolutely NSFW, but if you give them a shot, you might discover that it can be oddly comforting to hear Black women be so forthcoming. Also, it could possibly be what helps to pull you out of your shell or to try new things. Or, if you’re already super-adventurous, it can give you something to think and/or laugh about. Because there’s nothing like learning about or listening to sex from women who are a lot like you. Well, us.

Read more on XONecole.com.

Dear Ashley: He Won’t Go Down On Me

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Could this be the end?

Source: LaylaBird / Getty

Dear Ashley, a weekly sex column in which Sex Expert Ashley Cobb answers your most intimate questions. Nothing is off-limits! From threesomes, anal sex,  finding the right sex toy and everything in between. Have a sex question, Ashley “Your Favorite Friend In Filth” has an answer. For questions on sex email Ashley at ashley@sexwithashley.com

 

Dear Ashley,

I’ve been getting a little frustrated with my man lately. Sex is BOMB and always good but lately, I’ve been getting a little bored because he is so selfish! He loves getting head (which I don’t mind doing at all) but NEVER wants to return the favor. Over the past five years, he’s probably given me head four times. He just doesn’t like doing it. He’s also stingy with affection too. I like foreplay and he rarely does it. I’ve spoken up about it soo many times but nothing changes. What should I do?

 

Dear Ms. Frustrated,

Oh, no baby! What is you doin?!?! You must have never heard the saying you have to lick it before you stick it. The answer to your question is really simple. It contains one word. STOP! Stop giving him head. Stop having sex with him. STOP! STOP! STOP!  He does not care about your pleasure and why should he, if you don’t? You have allowed him to have his cake (sex) and eat it too (head) why would he do anything different? You have to teach people how to engage with you, that includes sexually. You are giving him all the control and that’s a huge no-no. Sex is about BOTH participants enjoying the experience and if everything goes to plan, BOTH having orgasms by the end of it. You have to flip the script. If you don’t get head, he doesn’t either.  Let him know we BOTH getting head tonight or we not having sex at all. After countless nights of blue balls and being sexually frustrated, he will either get with the program and become more of a reciprocal sexual partner or find sex elsewhere. Either way, you shouldn’t care because your cooch is being deprived.  A caring, reciprocal sexual partner exists and you deserve one. 

Countless women miss out on great pleasurable sex because they feel they can not change their situation. They are with men who are only concerned about their nut and not able pleasing them. I’m here to let you and them know that, Jesus did not die for this!  You should not be sexually unsatisfied in a five-year relationship. No maam! And he doesn’t do any type of foreplay either?? Throw the whole man away! For most women foreplay is SEX! We need foreplay to get us going because penis is rarely enough. 75% of women need clitoral stimulation to orgasm at all and he doesn’t want to give head or do foreplay. Chile, abort misson. Go find you a man that eats coochie, Sis!

 

Ashley Cobb, is the millennial microphone that brings the conversation of Black women’s pleasure to the forefront. Creator of digital platform Sex With Ashley, her work and words have been featured in Cosmopolitan, Men’s Health, Shape Magazine, Business Insider and Huffington Post. Follow her on Facebook, Instagram, and Twitter via @sexwithashley

Dear Ashley: I Stopped Going Down On Him & He Threatened To Kick Me Out

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Usually the person you argue with most is the person you love the most

Source: Moyo Studio / Getty

Dear Ashley, a weekly sex column in which Sex Expert Ashley Cobb answers your most intimate questions. Nothing is off-limits! From threesomes, anal sex,  finding the right sex toy and everything in between. Have a sex question, Ashley “Your Favorite Friend In Filth” has an answer. For questions on sex email Ashley at ashley@sexwithashley.com

 

Dear Ashley,

I’ve been in a relationship for a few years with a funny, charming, amazing man– we also live together. He’s been an incredible support for my kid, who now sees a father figure in him. Last year, I lost my job due to the pandemic and I haven’t been able to find a new job since. My boyfriend has been very supportive, he pays for everything in the house and for us and my kid (food, clothing, utilities, phone, rent, etc.), not asking me for a single dime. 

Everything is great…except sex. My boyfriend has this unhealthy obsession with blowjobs. He wants them all the time, would love them daily if he could get it. I hate giving head. In the beginning of our relationship I would give him head in hopes that if I did it, it would please him, he would be satisfied and eventually move on as he would gradually discover that I didn’t like it. Unfortunately, that did not happen. He still wants blowjobs as much as he did on day one. 

I don’t like his penis, not only is he small –but I also find the general shape and feel of it somewhat distasteful.  In attempt to reduce oral sex, I started giving head several times a week, to weekly, to every other week, to once a month, to every other month.  I finally decided to stop all together, I mean it’s my body, my choice. I haven’t given him head in about 3 months.  He will ask for a blowjob about occasionally and my reply is always “no.” As of late he sends very visible and clear signs that he’s unhappy. In my last refusal, I made it absolutely clear. It’s NO,  it will never happen again and told him to stop asking. 

Last week my boyfriend told me that if I’m not willing to give him head that our relationship would be over. He told me, If I want this relationship to go forward, then he needs weekly blowjobs. And if that was too much for me, then I would have to pack my things and leave, because he couldn’t live like this anymore. He told me that I had until the end of the month to make up my mind. 

I am completely CRUSHED. The very fact that my boyfriend would even CONSIDER ending our relationship makes me question if he ever loved me in the first place. I don’t want to give him head ever again, but I CANNOT move out. I have no money to move out, no source of income, and no family, friends or relatives to live with! I told him this and he seemed not to care. Please help! Any advice would be immensely helpful.  I have NO IDEA what to do.

Read Ashley’s response on the next page. 

Dear Ashley: How Do I Overcome Shyness Around Physical and Oral Sex?

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Dear Ashley, a weekly sex column in which Sex Expert Ashley Cobb answers your most intimate questions. Nothing is off-limits!  Have a sex question, Ashley, “Your Favorite Friend In Filth”, has an answer. For questions on sex, email Ashley at ashley@sexwithashley.com

 

Dear Ashley,

I’m a pretty shy when it comes to sex. I have some past trauma and I sometimes get overwhelmed. I like kink and on rare occasions can be very dominant, but when asked what I like; If there is anything I want to try or what my preferences are, I mostly respond, ‘I don’t know.’ I just go along with the program.

I get flustered and confused when things start heating up. Like–what do I do with my hands, mouth? Blowjobs hurt my mouth; I can take the gagging but the strain it causes my jaw muscles is torture. I’m also afraid of my teeth getting in the way. I don’t know what to do with myself during foreplay. Any advice on sex and shyness?

Thanks,

Shy Girl

 

Dear Shy Girl,

I totally get where you are coming from. Believe it or not I use to be very shy when it came to sex and in some ways I still am. Want to know how I overcame my awkwardness? Practice. Everybody can’t be Allen Iverson. Some of us need practice! Not to sound like an afterschool special, but practice really does make perfect. The more you do a thing the better you become at it. Do you masturabate? Masturbation is a great practice to learn your body. Masturbating helps you decipher what feels good, where your hot spots are located and how you like to be touched. I highly recommend starting a masturbation regimen if you haven’t done so already. 

Did you know I used to teach blowjob classes a few years ago? So consider me your blowjob Fairy Godmother. A blowjob hack I’ve learned over the years is to use speech motor exercises to decrease mouth pain during blowjobs. Your mouth and tongue are muscles and muscles can be overworked, so it’s good practice to warm them up before use. Want to hear a secret? Back in the day, I used to practice my blowjob skills on bananas. Bananas are easy to come by. They are penis-shaped and feel flesh-like which makes them the perfect fruit to practice fellatio. Go by your local grocery store and pick up a banana or two and go to work. That way when the real thing comes you won’t be intimidated. 

Also, therapy would be a great benefit. As you hinted, your past traumas may be a contributing factor to your shyness. A trained sex therapist may help you heal your tramuas around sex and give you resources on how to show up more confidently in the bedroom. Websites such as Therapy For Black Girls are a great resource to help locate the right therapist in your area who fits your needs.

 

Ashley Cobb, is the millennial microphone that brings the conversation of Black women’s pleasure to the forefront. Creator of digital platform Sex With Ashley, her work and words have been featured in Cosmopolitan, Men’s Health, Shape Magazine, Business Insider, and Huffington Post. Follow her on Instagram and Twitter via @sexwithashley

 

My Lady Leaves Me High And Dry Every Time She Refuses To Go Down In The Bedroom

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Dear Ashley, a weekly sex column in which Sex Expert Ashley Cobb answers your most intimate questions. Nothing is off-limits!  Have a sex question, Ashley, “Your Favorite Friend In Filth”, has an answer. For questions on sex, email Ashley at ashley@sexwithashley.com

 

Dear Ashley,

I’ve been in a relationship with my girlfriend for almost a year.  Our sex life is active, usually I’m the natural top and she likes to be dominated. I had a conversation with her once, regarding how I want her to be more engaging. She complied and tried and it was great, in fact I feel like our nights are better when she is engaging. There’s passion. This is very rare though. Another thing is that she still refuses to go down on me. She told me that she is very easily grossed out by people’s natural scents and tastes and that she’s only really gone down on people during showers. She is also very uptight, and makes us use hand sanitizers every time we change position. I find her absolutely beautiful, and I’m physically attracted to her. Performance wise, I feel very deprived and oftentimes my needs aren’t met.  How can I get her to be the woman I need her to be sexually?

Sincerely,

I’m Deprived

Man looking upset after an argument with his wife

Source: Stígur Már Karlsson /Heimsmyndir / Getty

Dear Mr. Sexually Deprived,

Sooooo, why are you still with her again? She’s pretty–great, but you’re not happy and sexually frustrated, so again I ask why are you still with her? Y’all are not married and you didn’t mention having any kids, so what’s really good?

What I’ve learned over the years is if you tell a person what you need and they’re not willing to compromise, then they don’t care about your needs. It sounds as if your girlfriend only complied to pacify you, not because she cared about what you need sexually. Chances are she may never be who you need her to be in the bedroom because she may have no desire to be. It seems as if Sis has no interest in pleasing you. She reads like a selfish lover.

There are way too many flavored lubes on the market to use the excuse you don’t like the taste of a penis. The reason might be that she doesn’t want to give you head because she is not concerned about pleasing you sexually. I like giving head, not because it does anything for me per say but because of how much it turns my partner on. I like knowing I am pleasing him. I like to hear him moan. I love to watch him squirm. It turns me on knowing “I did that.”

It’s quite the ego booster. But again, I care about my man being pleased. So I say again, why are you there if you are not satisfied? Sex is a big thing in relationships and getting lackluster sex while in the dating phase should definitely be a red flag. According to my married male friends, sex doesn’t always get better after you say “I Do.” A lot of times, it fizzles out or decreases after the wedding day. What’s up with hand sanitizer? That’s just weird. Is she afraid of bodily fluids? My advice to you is to consider what you really want from this relationship. Do want to be with someone who cares about your sexual desires and needs? Is it a deal-breaker? If it is, chuck the deuces. Life is too short for bad unfulfilling sex.

 

Ashley Cobb is the millennial microphone that brings the conversation of Black women’s pleasure to the forefront. Creator of digital platform Sex With Ashley, her work and words have been featured in Cosmopolitan, Men’s Health, Shape Magazine, Business Insider, and Huffington Post. Follow her on Instagram and Twitter via @sexwithashley

‘I Get Ate Out!’: Trick Daddy Is Trending For His Sexual Kink & Black Twitter Cannot Deal

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Floyd Mayweather v Logan Paul - Weigh In

Source: John Parra / Getty

Trick Daddy has disgusted the internet by reminding us of his sexual preferences. The Love & Hip Hop: Miami star revealed years back that he enjoys getting his salad tossed during intimate moments and revisited this topic during a visit to Revolt TV’s Drink Champs.

In a teaser for his upcoming interview, the “I’m A Thug” rapper got candid when asked if the “Eat a Booty Gang” was still in full effect. Trick Daddy replied by saying he was trying to get more women to support giving men’s rear-end some TLC. He then blurted out “I get ate out!”

Intrigued by this statement, NORE asked if he has his legs in the air while being pleasured and he said “It depends!” NORE and DJ EFN erupted in laughter.

The full Drink Champs interview with Trick Daddy will be available on Thursday, September 2.

Trick Daddy began trending on Twitter due to the clip. When curious social media users wanted to know why he was a trending topic, many of them regretted finding out. After Trick started trending, folks began chatting about the 2019 interview singer Tank did where he revealed that was also a member of the “Eat a Booty Gang.” Tank then chimed in on the fun via social media and sang a tune about letting women munch on him.

“I was just minding my business and then I’m getting dragged into @trickdaddydollars business!” he wrote on Instagram. “FYI that man ain’t wrong for enjoying pleasures from his woman.. My new single feat @trickdaddydollars ‘Let That Woman Eat’ coming soon! R&B MONEY!”

Take a look at some of the hilarious tweets below.


Bronx Zoo Exhibit Got Raunchy When Two Gorillas Engaged In Oral Sex For All To See

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Pattycake, the Gorilla

Source: David Handschun / Getty

Families visiting the Bronx Zoo got a show they didn’t sign up for while visiting the gorilla exhibit earlier this week. In a video recorded by a man who wished to remain anonymous, one gorilla locked eyes with another gorilla and they felt the natural urge to act on their sexual chemistry. Next thing you know, the exhibit turned into a peep show when one gorilla laid on its back and the other buried their face in their intimate area. Parents quickly turned their children away from the sex scene while others were gawking and looking on in shock.

“I was shocked and had no idea that was a ‘natural’ act,” the man who took the video told The New York Post. “I was in the gorilla exhibit with my 4-year-old daughter and niece. My wife had to stay out of the exhibit with my sleeping son, so I wanted to capture a lot of video. Then this magic happened.”

What the gorillas did is not unusual for them or any other animals. The Daily Mail noted that:

Humans and gorillas have 98 per cent of the same DNA and thus it’s not so shocking that our closest living relatives aren’t too different from us when it comes to having sex. In fact, gorillas are one of the only other species to have sex in the missionary position with partners of either the same or opposite sex.

If you’re interested watch the NSFW video here.

 

Yikes: Nelly ‘Accidentally’ Posted A NSFW Clip On Instagram And The Twitter Gave Poor Reviews

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nelly

Source: NBC / Getty

Nelly has caused quite a stir on social media today after allegedly posting a video by accident of himself receiving oral sex on his Instagram account. 

The “Hot In Herre” rapper’s face isn’t shown in the almost minute-long clip, so it’s unconfirmed if it’s actually him the unidentified woman in the video is going to town on. The clip gives a full view of the woman’s face and the man’s penis as she goes down on him. 

Since the explicit clip was quickly shared and deleted on Nelly’s Instagram account, where he has 3.3 million followers, online users assumed he is the one receiving fellatio in the video. They also assume Nelly is the one doing all the moaning viewers heard in the clip as well. 

Twitter had all types of opinions on the scandalous leak. While some commented that they were surprised by the size of what may be Nelly’s genital member, others came to the defense of the St. Louis rapper’s alleged inches—or rather lack thereof.

RELATED CONTENT: “Nick Cannon Breaks The Internet With His Big Old Eggplant”

“Now we know why Ashanti never cares after the break up, there was NO D*CK to be missed,” one user wrote

Meanwhile, one person said, “Ya’ll really be body shaming tf out of people smh… I ain’t never met a man who chose the size he wanted to be… not everybody porn equipped… let that man live…damn.”

Similarly, another added, “Some of y’all are so over dramatic. Nelly’s peen is no where as small as some of y’all made it out to be and he wasn’t doing nothing but normal moaning.”

While we can’t share the video here, a quick search on Twitter may turn it up, if it hasn’t been scrubbed from the platform:

RELATED CONTENT: “‘Say Word?!’: Jill Scott Responds To Claims She Has A Sextape Floating Around The Internet”

Florida Man Crashes SUV Into FedEx Truck While Allegedly Receiving Oral Sex

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Close-Up Of Damaged Car

Sergey Mironov / EyeEm

 

An unidentified man from Fort Lauderdale crashed an SUV into a FedEx truck while he was allegedly receiving oral sex.

According to Local 10 News, the eyebrow-raising incident occurred on June 2. Officials from the Fort Lauderdale Fire Rescue team said the man was receiving oral sex from a woman sitting in the passenger seat when the car crashed head-on into the FedEx truck on Thursday evening.

“The two individuals inside the SUV were reportedly naked,” the news outlet noted.  The driver sustained minor injuries to his private area due to the collision.

It’s unclear whether the individuals will be charged for the incident, but reckless driving in the state of Florida can come with hefty consequences.  Individuals convicted of the crime could face up to 90 days of jail time and a fine of $500 or more, according to the Florida statute.

Unfortunately, this isn’t the first time that people have been caught freaking behind the wheel.

In 2017, a couple was arrested after they crashed their car while having sex. Shockingly, the couple’s 3-month-old child was sitting in the backseat when the incident occurred. Officials reportedly found the couple naked and intoxicated when they arrived at the scene.

Thankfully, the baby was unharmed following the collision. According to News Week, the female passenger suffered broken bones from the incident.

As for the driver, he was arrested on a slew of charges including child endangerment, vehicular assault and suspicion of driving under the influence. He had three DUIs prior to the incident.

Back in November 2021,  another daring couple from Florida was arrested after they were caught engaging in oral sex in the back of a cop car.

The driver and his lady were arrested for a suspended license minutes before the patrol officer caught them in action. According to reports, the male suspect allegedly told his partner “baby, we should record an OnlyFans video back here” minutes before they began having oral sex.

 

RELATED CONTENT: Want To Up Your Oral Sex Game? Try These Tips

If You Insist On Eating Booty Like Groceries And Making Truffle Butter…

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Music and television have always included sexual undertones and innuendos. However, Omarion’s hit song “Post To Be,” featuring Chris Brown and Jhene Aiko, and Nicki Minaj’s song “Truffle Butter,” which features Drake and Lil Wayne, take the cake!

In Omarion’s song, Jhene Aiko so beautifully sings and boasts to other women, and perhaps men, that it’s going to take a specific talent to make her give a man the time of day.

“If your dude come close to me
He gon’ want to ride off in a ghost with me (I’ll make him do it)
I might let your boy chauffeur me
But he got to eat the booty like groceries
But he gotta get rid of these hoes from me
I might have that ni**a sailing his soul for me
Ooh, that’s how it post to be
If he wants me to expose the freak”

In Nicki’s song, Drake and Lil Wayne take things a step further. Drake says, “I could probably make some step-sisters f*ck each other, Whoop! Talkin’ filets with the truffle butter,” while Wayne talks explicitly about “truffle butter on your pu**y.”

For those of you who don’t know, let me break it down for you: “Eating booty like groceries” refers to Anilingus or oral-anal sex. This is also known as tossing salad, rimming, or a rim shot.

In the case of Nicki Minaj’s song, “Truffle butter” is not referring to the gourmet butter that is created by infusing tiny pieces of truffles, a very rare and edible mushroom. Truffle butter is created when a man pulls his penis out of the anus and immediately inserts it into a woman’s vagina — without cleaning if off. During vaginal intercourse, a tan secretion is created as a result of orgasm. Secretion, or fluid, forms around the base of the penis as a result of going from anal to vaginal sex. It’s a mixture of waste, vaginal fluid, and semen. This is known as truffle butter.

I know what you’re thinking: Yuck! TMI! Right?

Well, now that you’re sitting there with a screw faced and totally grossed out, let me tell you the problem with eating booty “like groceries” and making truffle butter. Unfortunately, in our overly sexualized and under-educated society, many adolescents and even adults try to mimic the sexual behaviors that are being glamorized by music, media, and reality television.  However, they do not understand all the implications and risks involved.

As I am sure you can probably imagine, there are many risks associated with anal play. For one, the anus is full of bacteria and intestinal parasites. After all, one of the essential functions of the anus is to eliminate waste. Not to mention, the lining of the anus is extremely thin, which makes it more susceptible to rips and tears during sex. This creates a portal of entry for bacteria and other diseases to go directly into the blood stream.

Additionally, the anus does not lubricate itself naturally. If you are not using a water-based or silicone-based lubricant, the lining will tear much easier, exposing the blood vessels and again creating a portal of entry for sexually transmitted infections (STIs), hepatitis, and other viral diseases.

Finally, recent studies suggest a correlation between Anilingus and oral sex, and oral and throat cancer as well as anal cancer. The correlation is linked to the transmission of genital HPV, the virus that has been implicated in most cervical cancers.

But if you insist on eating booty “like groceries” and making truffle butter, at least know how to protect yourself and lower the risk of transmission of infections. 1) Always use a latex, polyurethane, or polyisoprene condom when engaging in any anal play. 2) Never go from the anus to the vagina without washing off the penis or changing the condom. 3) Always use a dental dam for any oral-anal play. If you do not have a dental dam, you can cut a condom or a piece of plastic wrap and roll it out flat. 4) Use plenty of water-based or silicone-based lube to help reduce ripping and tearing of the lining of the anus. 5) Get to know your sex partner(s) very well. Make sure you know their HIV and STI status. Communicate and ask the right questions. Asking the right questions will also help to reduce your risk of contracting HIV or an STI.

While eating booty “like groceries” and making truffle butter, consider your risks and make an informed decision. And don’t say you haven’t been warned!

Live Inspired Feel Empowered!

Dr. TaMara loves nothing more than talking about sex! At the age of 13, she told her mother she wanted to be a Sex Therapist! Her passion is deeply rooted in spreading messages about healthy sexuality. Dr. TaMara is a sexologist, sex therapist, educator and motivational speaker with more than 20 years of experience speaking, writing and teaching about sexuality. She travels the country helping individuals embrace and honor their sexuality. Dr. TaMara has published numerous books and articles. She is the owner of L.I.F.E. by Dr. TaMara Griffin Live Inspired Feel Empowered LLC-LIFE. Dr. TaMara is also the Editor-in-Chief of Our Sexuality! Magazine. Our Sexuality! is the premiere magazine for women’s sexuality and sexual health. Follow her on Twitter, Facebook at LIFE by Dr. TaMara or Instagram, or her Live Inspired Feel Empowered (L.I.F.E.) blog at http://www.drtamaragriffin.com.

Cunnilingus: The Good, The Bad And The Ugly

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There’s always the debate of who has it worse when it comes to pleasuring their partner with oral sex. Women sometimes complain about men’s hygiene, the taste and the expectation that she should swallow, whereas, men often complain about female hygiene, landing strip versus shaven hair and the taste. But I’m sure we can all agree that there’s nothing like a little foreplay to get things heated up in the bedroom–or wherever you like to play. According to the experts, 70-80 percent of women require direct clitoral stimulation to reach an orgasm. This can be very daunting for the conservative fella who thinks that getting in and off is just enough to keep her satisfied. But why not show her a little love below? Ladies, if you find yourself unsatisfied with your partner’s reluctance to give you oral sex, consider schooling him on the good, the bad and the ugly of cunnilingus while taking the proper steps to make it more enjoyable and safe for him.

You Are What You Eat

The vagina is an acidic organ that requires a healthy pH balance to remain in tip-top shape. If your partner doesn’t like the taste, consider adding and subtracting some things from your diet. Because the vagina is acidic, consider adding acidic foods such as pineapples, oranges and grapefruit to balance your pH levels. These foods will also add a bit of sweetness to the taste. Adding celery to your diet helps to reduce any bitter taste your partner might come across when he’s down there. Celery is also high in water and Vitamin C. If a smell is an issue, consider adding healthy probiotics to your diet such as yogurt to help maintain a natural body odor. Cranberries and 100 percent cranberry juice also aid in reducing odor as well as preventing urinary tract infections.

Avoiding foods such as fried and sugary foods, dairy, red meats and fish can also help keep your yoni in good shape. I know you may be thinking, “But I love __.” Well, I say everything in moderation. It is important for your partner to understand that you most likely won’t smell like a bed of roses down there, so he shouldn’t expect you to. But you should smell healthy and clean. Now tell him to man up and get to work.

The Prep

Let’s be honest. There’s nothing more annoying than going down on your partner and getting a whiff of the rough day they had, or even worse, a mouth full of hair. Consider paying extra attention to personal hygiene. Poor hygiene leads to bad odors and a buildup of unpleasant residue. If 1970s bush floats your boat, by all means, do you, sista. But consider trimming loose hairs and giving your vagina hair a good deep condition. Some women prefer to leave a landing strip, and some are more comfortable with a fresh baldy. It is important to note that hair traps odor and other bacteria and dirt, so it’s okay if you have to spend a little more time in the shower to make the experience more pleasurable for you and your partner.

Playing It Safe

Too much of anything can be bad if you aren’t safe. While some may perceive oral sex as one of the safest forms of sex out there, you should also know that there are plenty of risk factors involved. The mouth can contain several microscopic cuts and bruises that can make you susceptible to STIs/STDs such as herpes, hepatitis, HPV as well as chlamydia. These infections can be passed orally. Just as encouraged with vaginal and anal sex, consider getting tested every six months or before you enter into a sexual relationship with a new partner that involves oral sex. If you find yourself uncertain of yourself or your partner, get tested first and consider using dental dams, which are a protective film placed over the vagina during oral sex.

It Takes Two To Tango

If both you and your partner find the foreplay of oral sex to be boring, try changing it up by experimenting with your moves. Positions such as doggy style, face-sitting, and spread eagle make for a better view and a pleasurable experience. Ask him to use a finger or two to add a little penetration to the fun. And if you’re feeling really adventurous, using toys and allowing him to explore what makes you squirm will make him more interested in what he’s doing. No one wants to sit and lick until their tongue is stiff, ladies, so help him help you.

The act of sex alone is a partnership. It’s give and take. So if he expects to receive and wants to hear no complaints from you about it, school him on giving.

Is This Petty? He Only Gives Me Oral Sex On “Special Occasions”

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Oral sex is not for everybody. I get it. But what if you asked for it and your boyfriend tried to tell you that it was something he liked to save for “special occasions”?

In the words of Sweet Brown, “Ain’t nobody got time for that!”

But that is the dilemma of one woman who shared her unique circumstances. She stated that her boyfriend “doesn’t really do the oral sex thing with me.” He tries his hand at going downtown sometimes, and he claims that he enjoys it. But he says that it’s a “special” act that he likes to pull out for “special occasions.” She insists that he’s great at sex and a myriad of positions. Still, he rarely gets down with the licky licky unless it’s their anniversary, her birthday, or he is in a really good mood and feeling more spontaneous than usual. Either way, when she can get him to do it she’s a happy camper. But when she directly asks, and he is all “meh” about it, she gets peeved. They’ve been together for more than a year and it’s something she has put up with for a while. But homegirl is getting frustrated. She provides him with oral sex, but she can’t count on getting it from him.

Basically, homeboy is worse than August Alsina out in these streets. Instead of passing on giving oral sex altogether (not cool by the way), he is basically teasing her with it by doing it every once in a blue moon. But in all seriousness, this is a complicated situation. Of course, you never want to push someone to do anything that they’re not comfortable with trying. If they’re not feeling it and they try it anyway, chances are, you won’t find yourself satisfied (or feeling too good about yourself). And many men refuse to go downtown around the time a woman is just completing her period. So some have good reasons for opting out of providing such pleasures. But this right here? The “special occasions” card being pulled? Can’t say that it’s a good reason.

It would be one thing if he didn’t enjoy it, or there were an odor or issue that caused him to all of a sudden make it a rare occurrence. But he told her that he did like it. And yet, when she asks for it, he plays hard to get. What is really going on?

I would say that she could withhold blow jobs from him if he’s not reciprocating, but if it’s something she genuinely receives satisfaction from doing, then by all means, hop to it. However, this every now and then mess he’s pulling? It’s not going to fly. Especially since many women don’t always feel comfortable asking openly for certain pleasures in the bedroom. So knowing that she has done so, and his excuse is that it’s for “special occasions” is quite frustrating. And it’s not even my problem.

As always, these two need to have a real talk. She needs to let him know of her frustrations. Maybe he’s confused and thought it was something she didn’t always want? Maybe he said he liked doing it but really isn’t secure about his skills with his tongue? You never know, hence the need for a thorough conversation. But once he knows how she feels, things need to change, and the licky licky needs to happen quicky quicky…

But as always, that’s just my opinion. How would you deal with your man only trying to go down on you for “special occasions”? And if she tells him and he’s still not down to go downtown, what then?

Tell Me What That Thang Tastes Like

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I’ve thought long and hard about how I was going to introduce this topic; and the only thing that keeps coming to mind is:

I’m tryna kick it toniiiiight, so baby tell me what that thaaaang [tastes] like.”

That’s a little shout out for the former fans of BET’s “Uncut.”

So, this post is for all of our sexually liberated and open readers who wouldn’t mind keeping it real for a moment.

We stumbled across a couple of fascinating articles on Thought Catalog that asked their heterosexual male readers what their girlfriend’s vagina tastes like and their heterosexual female readers what their boyfriend’s penis tastes like.

We thought the story was particularly interesting because our staff remembers the days, back in the ’90’s when Black women swore up and down that they just didn’t do oral sex. And now that Black women are no longer denying the truth, we were wondering if y’all would be willing to share.

 

Be descriptive. Smell, texture etc. You can tell us about the skin, the juices, the hair… anything you like.  It’s your world.

Fellas, we’re not leaving you out, we’d love to hear what you have to say as well. We know every woman is different but educate us.

Why are we asking for this?

We’re nosey.

But more seriously, we love to hear from you all, there is a lack of sexual openness among the Black community and this information can be quite valuable.

One of our staff members says that she was scared to give head for the longest time because she had a girlfriend who told her that her boyfriend’s penis tasted like rotten broccoli and his cum like sour Skittles.

Eeewww!

She was grateful that when she finally found the courage to do it herself, with a CLEAN man, it was nothing like that.

So, if you too would like to share and dispel a couple of myths, you can do so in one of several ways:

– Right here in the comment section. (Your Disqus name will be used in the story about this topic later.)

– On Facebook underneath this post. (Your FB name will be used.)

– Anonymously through Facebook messenger

– Anonymously, through our editors@madamenoire.com email. (The subject of the e-mail should be “What That Thang Taste Like)

Again, we’ll hide your identity so nobody has to know. #RonaldIsley

We look forward to reading your responses. 🙂


Tell Your Business Tuesdays: What Does Your Partner Taste Like?

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A lot of you doubted whether or not we’d be able to pull this one off. Some of you even clicked on the request for responses, likely looking for tea, only to tell us how “tacky” you found this question.

Well, doubt can be a great source of fuel. And in true, “get ‘er done” fashion, we happened to collect more than enough responses to make our first “Tell Your Business Tuesday” post happen.

Truth be told, this is about providing a space where Black people feel comfortable expressing different parts of their sexuality without fear of judgment or ridicule. So in the spirit of openness…and nosiness. Check out some of the responses to our query, “Tell me what that thang tastes like.”

This Is What Happens When A Man Literally Sucks The First Layer Of Skin Off Your Labia During Oral Sex

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Corbis

Corbis

When most of us think about the risks of oral sex it starts and stops with STDs, but sex injuries aren’t only limited to actual intercourse.

In an article on Cosmo, a woman detailed a horrific vulva injury she endured when an overeager ex she hooked up with on a random night essentially sucked the life out of her vagina. Here’s how it went down.

On a Saturday afternoon almost three weeks ago, I found myself lying on a medical table with my legs spread wide open in stirrups. My labia were completely black, and so swollen and in so much pain that I couldn’t even touch them or see my vagina. I got there because a guy went down on me.

I’d found my ex at a bar the night before and decided to walk back to my place with him. We hooked up. During the oral sex part of our drunken hookup, I noticed I was in some pain but didn’t really care too much. I just told him to slow down or ease up. I hadn’t had to tell him that before, but it’d been a while since we hooked up and there was all this built-up tension — I think that’s why he was being so aggressive.

We tried to have sex after that, but I couldn’t do it because my vulva hurt and I couldn’t even get his penis near my vaginal opening. When I went to put my pants back on to walk back to the bar, I noticed my labia were a bit larger than usual but thought it was nothing — maybe I was just still turned on or something — and we walked back together.

The woman said when she went home that night she knew her labia felt swollen but she assumed she’d be fine in the morning. Things actually got worse when she woke up and saw that “my entire labia area was completely black — it was so swollen I didn’t know where I was peeing from or where my vagina was. I couldn’t wear underwear or sit right or drive. I had to walk with my legs super far apart. When I peed, it burned, and when I walked, it felt like little needles were poking me.”

After going to a walk-in clinic and dealing with the shock from a nurse, a physician’s assistant, and a doctor that this type of reaction happened from having oral sex, the ob-gyn explained what happened from a medical standpoint:

Basically, this guy sucked my labia so hard that all the capillaries in one of the most sensitive areas of my body broke. Not only that, but he literally sucked the first layer of skin off my inner labia — I hadn’t been able to see it myself, but the ob-gyn told me there was bleeding in my inner labia and it looked like really bad rug burn. None of the doctors had seen anything like this before, except for, like, little girls who hurt themselves on their bike seats or get straddle injuries.

Ouch.

So what’s the remedy for an injury like this? According to the woman:

The ob-gyn prescribed pain killers and told me to ice it and not wear any tight clothes. I bought, like, five pairs of sweatpants and wore those for a week, and spent the weekend icing my labia in 20-minute intervals. I waddled around campus all week — it was five days before I could walk normally — and when people asked what was wrong, I just told them I pulled my groin during a workout.

Other than being scarred from oral sex, the woman said it took about a full week for the swelling to go down and three weeks later she’s now completely healed, at least physically.

Is This Petty? I Have To Ask Him To Go Down On Me

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While having dinner with one of my best friends around this time last week to celebrate her birthday, we ended up talking about the year that had just gone by and the men who had been a part of it. At the top of the year, she was dealing with a guy who seemed good on paper in the beginning, but ended up being incredibly selfish.

She remarked on the fact that everything they did revolved around him. Whenever they went out to eat, it was at the most basic restaurant chains that he wanted to go to (side note: We live in New York, a food capitol). When they hung out, it was always at his apartment where they did what he wanted to do — sit down and watch TV. And when they had sex, he was usually the only one who would get off.

“He was so selfish,” she said. “Anything that would require him to do the least amount of work was his thing, so I found myself on top more often than not. I would literally have to ask him to give me head, otherwise, he would never do it.”

While he would expect her to go down on him, for my girlfriend, there was reciprocation every once in a while. And just because she asked him to go downtown didn’t necessarily mean that he was going to oblige her. Still, it’s something she says she needs in the bedroom, and something she resents having to ask for.

I guess you could say my friend has been spoiled. She at one time was dating a guy who, to compensate for having a little less, went down on her without being asked, and would go to work until she was fully satisfied. (Honestly, that was probably the best thing about homeboy, because he ended up being quite the liar.)

Unfortunately, the suitors who followed this particular guy wouldn’t go downtown unless they were heavily coaxed. And at one point, she was even told by a guy she was having a sexual relationship with that he felt that such an act should be reserved for someone he was in a serious, serious relationship with. Mind you, I just told you that they’d already started having sex. So basically, cunnilingus was something he just wasn’t comfortable doing and wouldn’t flat out admit it.

But more often than not, it’s been something my beloved has had to deal with: guys who seem more focused on looking out for their own sexual satisfaction. However, I found myself listening to her assessments of her past lovers and thinking, “Well, closed mouths don’t get fed.”

I’m sort of a believer that in the bedroom, certain things shouldn’t automatically be expected. If so, you set yourself up for disappointment. A man shouldn’t expect a blow job from you, just as you shouldn’t expect him to go down on you because you’re both in the bed preparing for intercourse. If it’s something a party is in the mood to give, then great. Otherwise, finding a sexy or playful way to request such acts is the way to go.

Now, if they won’t do it at all, like ever, you can always outright ask why they avoid giving head like it’s the plague. And in some cases, you never know, it may just be something your partner truly is not okay with doing. Some people have things they just outright don’t want to do in the bedroom, and out of respect, it’s best not to try and force it. Instead, you can either work around such issues if they’re worth it, or move on to find someone who is more open to pleasing you by any means. But based on the things my BFF told me about the last few guys she’s dated, including the selfish one she let go of earlier this year, not going downtown on her was the least of his issues…

But as always, that’s just my opinion. What say you? Is it petty to have to ask your partner to go down on you? Or is it petty to expect it? 

 

Image via Shutterstock 

Anthony Anderson’s Mom Taught Him The Right Way To “Go Downtown” To Help Other Women

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As if having the birds and the bees conversation with your parents when you were young (or some much shorter version that consists simply of “Don’t be fast”) wasn’t awkward enough, imagine being an adult and being taught the right and wrong way to perform oral sex by them. Thankfully, Anthony Anderson has a good sense of humor about the whole thing, because he wasn’t afraid to share his story with the world. While vising Conan O’Brien’s talk show, the Black-ish star talked about the time his mother confronted him and his homeboys about doing right by women by knowing the proper way to go downtown. Why? Anderson’s father was terrible at it and she didn’t want her sons to think weak cunnilingus skills were acceptable.

Anthony Anderson mom

“My mother taught me how to go downtown,” Anderson said as the audience hollered and O’Brien looked quite confused. “Taught me how to knock the man out the boat. My momma taught me how to eat the cookie. Oral sex, Conan. Oral sex.”

According to him, after returning home from college, Anderson’s mom, Doris, approached him and his friends about their sexual activities.

“I was in my early 20s, I had just come home from college,” he said. “We happened to be sitting around in the family room, not only me but my buddies and their girlfriends. She not only taught me and my brothers and my boys, but also the women, how to do what they needed to do.”

Anderson said she did this by showing them adult videos and explaining what should and shouldn’t be done based on what they were seeing. Ms. Doris stayed with her tapes.

“My mother has a very extensive video collection,” Anderson shared. “She would put the videos on and go into graphic detail as to what was happening in the video and what either me and my brothers or the young ladies should be doing.”

He continued, “Her motivation was my father didn’t know how to eat pu–y. So she said, ‘I will be damned if I send my three boys out in the world not knowing how to do that. It’s my duty as a woman to teach you to do this properly because your daddy didn’t know what the hell he was doing.’ That’s the reason behind it.”

For Anderson, he didn’t really see it as odd in the way that others might. In fact, he said it was great knowledge imparted on him, and at one time after the fact, he even filled his mom in on how her teachings were going.

“I would actually call my mother on the phone and say, ‘Momma, they don’t believe you taught me this,’ he said. “And she’d say, ‘Girl, did he do it right? Did he do it right?!'”

Again, I know it might sound disturbing, but watching the short conversation makes it a quite comical story. See for yourself:

Image via WENN 

Serious Question: What’s The Cutoff Time When A Guy’s Going Down On A Woman?

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Close up of worked pectorals of an African American Young.

“Are you going to cum?” asks your dude of a few months, breaking the momentum of going down on you to rub his neck once again.
“Yea. I’m close.”
“You said that 15 mins ago.”
Sigh.
“You can’t have me down here all day.”
“Ok. So what’s the cutoff time?” you ask.
“Hunh?”
“What’s a decent amount of time that you feel comfortable?” you repeat.
“15 no more than 30 mins.”
“That’s plenty!”
“But you already used up 30,” he says.
“That can’t be right,” you frown.
“You do it all the time.”

The next morning you’re running the numbers through your head. On one hand, 15 minutes for your guy to go down on you seems like a lot. But what about the times when it takes 15 just to get warmed up? Are you supposed to throw in the towel because you’ve hit the 15-minute mark? Even if you push it the extra 15 you still might not cum because of the pressure. Uh oh. Did you make a bum deal? What if you never cum again? The only way to know if this is going to work is by finding out the average cutoff time. For this, you rely on your trusted friends.

You text Girlfriend #1: Hey, how long do you like a guy to go down on you?

Girlfriend: Anything more than 10 minutes is a waste.

You: A waste?

Girlfriend: Yea, by then I probably already came no less than three times so I’mma be ready for some D.

Good God In Heaven! Who cums three times in 10 minutes? Who cums in ten minutes? Apparently, Girlfriend #2 who adds, “10 minutes is all I need. My man knows my body so well.” When you tell her that you’ve been known to go 30, sometimes an hour, she starts laughing.

Girlfriend #2: Well, if you can hold it that long. I know I can’t.

It’s funny because your man’s biggest complaint going down on you is that you hold it. But isn’t that what you’re supposed to do? You could cum in 10 minutes too if you really want to, but why would you? The way you see it, when a guy goes down, that’s your time to kick back and relax. Of course, you wanna cum, but you ain’t sprinting to the finish line.

Male BFF: Oh, so you’re that greedy chick that don’t care that her man’s tongue is about to fall off. I get the job done in less than 10 mins every time. (He brags)

You: 10 minutes?

He explains that it’s not just him, a lot of women aren’t much into oral sex after that. Some aren’t into it at all. He thinks expecting a woman to want you down there forever is the same as thinking she wants to get banged for hours. You agree with him on that. Banging for hours is so young. Who stays wet that long? But what about the fact that some dudes love going down? Is that a myth too?

For that answer you go to your buddy from back in the day that you know loves to go down. At least, that’s all he used to talk about. If he says his limit is 10 minutes too you’re done.

He shoots you back a text…

Old Homie: I don’t have a timer as long as we both in sync. That’s when it’s perfect.

You KNEW it! A man with no time constraints!

2nd text…But a good rule of thumb is that after 10-15 minutes you’ll know if success can be reached or you need to stop.

Okay, so even he has a cutoff.

What have you learned? You seriously need to get it together because ain’t nobody, not even your man, gonna eat you like it’s his job. In fact, he’s been saying that he’d rather not have sex with you at all then have to go down on you after –you thought he was being lazy. In light of this new info you’re going to take the “15-30-minute deal” that your guy offered you and run like hell because it’s a steal!

Photo: Bigstock

Hang-Ups Men Have About Giving Oral, Addressed

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Gettyimages.com/Sweating Man Puckering Lips 2001

Do you wish your partner would travel south a bit more often? Do you find yourself thinking your man’s face and your lady parts should spend a bit more time together? Okay for goodness sake does your man not go down on you enough? It’s a common problem. For some reason, women are criticized for not going down on their partners frequently, while men are praised for going down on their partners occasionally. If a woman doesn’t go down on her partner, he speaks to his friends about it as if he is being abused. If a man doesn’t go down on his partner, well, I gotta tell you fellas—we don’t complain about it too much. Aren’t you all lucky? But secretly, we are wondering what a man’s problem is if he never travels down under. I’ve gathered some answers. Here are hang-ups men have about giving oral, addressed.

Shutterstock

Their beards

A lot of men worry that they’ll scratch you with their beards, or that their beards will just make the whole thing feel weird. Men, we’ve got news for you: beards actually make it feel better.

DJ Khaled Says He Won’t Go Down On His Fiancé…But It’s His Reasons That Have Us Shook

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Getty

The universe is funny. Just yesterday, I wrote about whether or not a woman should feel obligated to give her man head if it wasn’t something she didn’t feel comfortable doing. In the article, I admitted that while I was conflicted about what this woman should do, I could acknowledge that there was a double standard in my heart.

I wrote:

Speaking of men though, one of them saying he didn’t want to go down on his wife because he was scared—sends up immediate red flags for me. I think about the idea that vaginas and vulvas have been given such a bad rap in our society. If they’re not being used for the pleasure of a man or the birth of a child, they’re not always considered. Adult films will show you that women’s pleasure is not always prioritized when it comes to heterosexual sex. There are also notions that vaginas are unclean—when they’re actually self-cleaning. Then, there’s the fact that generally speaking, it’s a bit more difficult for women to achieve orgasm from just penetration. Cunnilingus can go a long way in making that happen. A man refusing to do such a thing would just be…selfish, inconsiderate, ignorant, wrong. There are other things to unpack there.

Twenty-four hours later, I would be confronted with an example, by way of a 2015 Breakfast Club Interview featuring Khaled. In the now viral clip, he said:

DJ Khaled: I believe a woman should praise the man, the king. If you holding it down for the woman, I feel the woman should praise and the man should praise the queen but my way of praising is called ‘How was dinner? You like the house you living in?’ ‘You like all the clothes you getting,’ ‘I’m taking care of your family. I’m taking care of my family?’ You know, putting in the work.

Angela Yee: So you don’t go down?

DJ Khaled: Naw, never, I don’t go down. Nah, hell nah. I don’t do that, I don’t do that! I put in that work, my work is great.

Angela Yee: “Now if she told you she don’t do that, is that okay?”

DJ Khaled: “Nah it’s not okay because I’m the Don, the King. I’m the king of the house. I don’t do that. It’s different rules for men, we the King. It’s somethings that y’all might not wanna do or want to do but it gotta get done. I just can’t do what you want me to do. I just can’t.”

You can take a look at the clip below.

Cold world.

Unlike the woman I wrote about yesterday, who just seemed to be scared to put a penis in her mouth and was actually seeking solutions, DJ Khaled’s reasons for not going down seem to be rooted entirely in patriarchy and misogyny. Based on his words, because his fiancee and her family are taken care of financially, she’s not entitled to be pleasedsexually. He even goes so far to say that while a woman has to do certain things for her man, because he’s making the money in the house, he doesn’t have to return the favor. Won’t even try. 

Perhaps, he has a rare woman who doesn’t appreciate oral sex and she’s happy with him. At the end of the day, everything ain’t for everybody. But what’s particularly troubling is the message that’s being disseminated here. I’m not speaking about Khaled and his fiancee. It might work for the both of them. But being in a romantic relationship requires more than money to ensure that both parties are happy. Paying for dinner, buying clothes and taking care of family doesn’t give men a pass to have all their needs met while a woman goes without.

What do you think about DJ Khaled’s comments?

Veronica Wells is the culture editor at MadameNoire.com. She is also the author of “Bettah Days” and the creator of the website NoSugarNoCreamMag. You can follow her on Facebook and on Instagram and Twitter @VDubShrug.

Teairra Mari Responds After Ex Boyfriend Hacked Her Instagram Page To Post Explicit Video

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Getty

Unfortunately, Teairra Mari was the latest victim of a vindictive ex. Earlier today, her Instagram page was hacked by an ex-boyfriend who posted photos and video of the singer and reality star performing fellatio and then one image with semen on her face. Completely degrading and an utter betrayal.

What’s even sadder is the response to it. Though most men would state that they enjoy head during a sex session, the images of Teairra Mari being broadcast on social media resulted in far too many men using it as an opportunity to shame her. As if she weren’t engaging in consensual sex with someone she thought she could trust.

Fortunately, there were more than a few people who understood just how vile this betrayal was. See what they and Teairra Mari had to say on the following pages.

Would You Let A Man Go Down On You While You’re On Your Period?

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One woman’s Tampax parody commercial has caused quite the discussion online. In it, she shows two men convincing a young woman to let her boyfriend go down on her while she’s on her period.

Don’t believe me, just watch.

In response to the inevitable conversation her commercial started, Jessie Kahnweiler said she made the commercial in response to her own trepidation about having oral sex on her period. In an interview with Refinery 29, Kahnweiler said she was trying to combat the “wow I feel gross” feelings that many women experience during their periods, feelings that often prevent them from engaging in sexual activity. 

In fact, Kahnweiler said that in one of her previous relationships, a man shamed her simply for having a vagina. Whether she was bleeding or not, he would make her wash it before they had sex. (No word about whether or not he had to wash before.) As you can imagine, it created a lot of shame around her body. Later, she had a partner who was willing to go down on her while she was on her period.

At first, Kahnweiler said she was like, “no way” but he explained that since she was going to be using a tampon, he wouldn’t have to interact with any blood. She described it as a Eureka moment. “I was like, ‘Oh my God, what have I been doing the past 32 years of my life not getting head on my period? That’s crazy.”

I’m sure most of us had the same reaction. Nah that’s a bit much. Still, the more I think about it the more I realize that all of the reasons not to do it, have a lot to do with our own conceptions and perceptions about our body. Even with the thought of menstrual blood being removed from the equation, I’m sure some of us thought about potential smell and whether our partner would be okay with that. Some of us are concerned about being perceived as unclean. Really, the issue isn’t whether or not we’d actually want to have sex. Many women can tell you after the hellacious first/second day of her period, with hormones raging, sex sounds like a great idea. But if we’re being honest, we don’t really like or appreciate our vaginas when we’re on our period— or generally—so the thought that someone else might seems odd, foreign, gross even.

I’m not saying I’m going to start getting head on my period—because honestly I don’t generally use tampons—(A menstrual cup could also work in this situation.) but it is interesting to think about what we would be open to if we didn’t associate shame and embarrassment with the natural functions and life-giving forces of our body.

Veronica Wells is the culture editor at MadameNoire.com. She is also the author of “Bettah Days” and the creator of the website NoSugarNoCreamMag. You can follow her on Facebook and on Instagram and Twitter @VDubShrug.

10 Things That Could Make Us Eat A Man’s A$$

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If you thought you knew everything you needed to know about Faith and Biggie’s relationship, think again. Recently, during a sit down with NORE’s podcast “Drink Champs,” Faith revealed that she and Biggie used to eat each other’s a$$.

I kid you not.

https://twitter.com/KC17__/status/1019287934820864000

NORE: “Did BIG eat a$$?”

Faith Evans: “He ate mine a couple times…”

But the real tea came with the next sentence.

Faith: I mighta ate his back.”

NORE: “She reciprocated.”

Whew chile!
God rest the dead but this tweet right here summed up my thoughts and feelings about this here sexual scenario.

Faith will be blessed for this act of sacrifice and kindness. The whole conversation has us thinking–not only would we eat a man’s a$$ but the conditions that would have to be in place for us to do so. Check out our list and be sure to add your requirements in the comments below.

Why Men Aren’t Entitled To Oral

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selfish in bed boyfriend

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“She’s great but she doesn’t give me head” “Ah man, leave her” is a conversation I’ve heard way too many times. If it was not that exact one, it was some version of that conversation. Sometimes, by the way they talk about it, I’d swear some men believed they were being abused by not receiving blowjobs. They tell their friends, all sheepish and sad, “My girlfriend doesn’t go down on me” and all their buddies gather around to console them. Come on! I honestly think there should be a rule that before any straight man complains that his partner doesn’t go down on him, he must suck at least one dick. Just one. I can almost promise he’ll never complain again. Look, if the mood strikes us, sure, sometimes giving oral can be nice. But I can’t stand when men feel they’re entitled to it, and all the ridiculous reasons they give for being entitled to it.

via GIPHY

It can put us at risk

Giving oral can put us at risk for sexually transmitted diseases. It isn’t typically performed using a condom so it puts us up close and personal and in direct contact with anything you may have to spread.

Going Head To Head About Head: How Men Vs Women View Oral

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The way men talk about receiving oral can honestly make me so mad sometimes. I’ve heard plenty of men—PLENTY—advise their buddies to leave a woman because she wouldn’t go down on them or because she wasn’t good at it. They’ll advise each other to straight up end loving, functional relationships because the head isn’t there, or isn’t what it could be. Wow. I’ve never heard a woman tell another woman to leave a man if he didn’t go down on her. We may say, “That’s dumb” or “Well, you go down on him, so it’s only fair—tell him that!” But we wouldn’t tell a woman to leave a man she loves over the matter. I also hear men who aren’t getting oral in their relationships talking about it with such a tone and demeanor, you’d think these men were being abused. And their friends console and pity them as if they are being abused. Give me a break. It’s time to go head to head over, well, head. Here are ways men versus women view oral sex.

via GIPHY

Women are “selfish” if they don’t

If women won’t do it or won’t do it often, men say they are selfish. Men say they are prudes. It’s really condemned as an evil trait. All their friends know that girlfriend or wife doesn’t do it, and they see her in this light like she’s some ice-cold, neglectful partner. They joke about her behind her back.

Evelyn Lozada Doesn’t Understand How Jackie Has Been “Married For 100 Years” But Doesn’t Give Doug Christie Oral Sex

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Evelyn Lozada was asked to spill some tea on her Basketball Wives co-star during a recent chat with PEOPLE TV‘s Reality Check, and she shared that she’s shook that Jackie Christie, despite being married to husband Doug for more than 20 years, isn’t a fan of oral sex.

“She doesn’t give [oral sex],” Lozada said. “She’s been married for 100 years but she doesn’t give blow jobs. I’m like, girl, like how does this work? Like, is he okay with this?”

But she had to give it to Jackie, because despite not being a fan of fellatio, their marriage has lasted a very long time (23 years).

“I mean, they’ve been married and they renew their wedding every year, so I guess she must be doing something right,” she added. “But yeah, she doesn’t give blow jobs.”

This isn’t brand new news though. Jackie revealed this to her co-stars a few seasons ago on Basketball Wives, and they attempted to get her to practice so she could get into it. She told The Jasmine Brand she wasn’t feeling it and is surprised the practice of oral sex has blown up so much (no pun intended).

“It’s funny because I didn’t know it was so prevalent and everybody’s doing it until I got on the show. Then all the girls were like”girl you gotta do this,” she said. “Draya done showed me how to suck a lollipop, Malaysia with the ice cream. Well, I’m just like, I just don’t. I don’t know, I just never got into that. But you’re always learning and always evolving, you know our relationship always changes and evolves. You know we’ve been married for 20 years and made it, so imagine the next 20.”

And the couple continues to be a strong one. Jackie hinted that they have another vow renewal ceremony on the way via Instagram:

Take notes, folks!

 

Jill Scott Says Her Microphone Video & The Cucumber Challenge Are Different…But I Don’t See How

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Jill Scott In Concert - Detroit, MI

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If you told me three weeks ago, that we’d still be talking about the cucumber challenge today, I would have said you were lying. But here we are. In case you missed it, the cucumber challenge went viral after rapper Lil Boosie shared a video of a woman simulating fellatio on a thick, long, cucumber.

The video was graphic and excessive. I’m sure some people found inspirational and aspirational. And naturally, it got a lot of attention from men. Because men were so impressed, apparently there were many other women who shared themselves following this woman’s example. Personally, I’ve yet to see another woman replicate the video online. Instead, people have been encouraging women not to do it.

Interestingly enough, now that talk of the cucumber challenge has died down, Jill Scott wanted to share her thoughts.

In a video she posted on her Instagram page, she said,

“Hey, I been meaning to talk to you for a minute. I have noticed the cucumber challenge. First, I just want to say that the stage performance that you saw was a performance. I am an actor. This was a part of the journey of the evening. You putting a cucumber down your throat benefits you, how? First of all, it’s not very sanitary. Secondly, it’s not a real person. It’s an inanimate object. Proving this, doing this will make things more challenging for you. Since the video, that I did not want to come out or didn’t even know existed came out of that performance It’s made things a little more challenging for me. This is your auntie. I’m trying to tell you. Erase it. Don’t do it.”

Personally, I never felt strongly about the cucumber challenge video. I recognized that what we saw that woman doing was a skill. A pretty marketable one in the right circles. I’m sure there women who took tips from the video, incorporated them into their lives and everyone had a good night. And for the women who also wanted to record themselves, we can be sure that it was for male attention. Still, in a patriarchal society, where women are bred to compete for the attention of men, in one way or another, I can’t blame them for wanting to join in and prove something to some man who likely doesn’t even compare to that green vegetable. Still, I don’t feel entirely comfortable shaming women for something we’ve all been conditioned to do—seek the attention, approval and selection of men. At the end of the day, berating a woman for demonstrating an aspect of her sexuality is shaming and an example of respectability politics. Some of us will eventually learn not to perform for men. But for the most part many women will do this their entire lives, in various ways. Whether it’s presenting yourself as wife material, doing more than you’d like as a wife, or projecting an image of pleasantness when you’re really mad as hell. If we examine our behaviors, we’ll find the motivations aren’t entirely pure—or with the sole intent to please ourselves.

To be clear, I don’t think Jill Scott was attempting to shame this women. She was trying to warn them. But I think she might also want to recognize the fact that her words might fall on deaf ears. She attempts to make some type of distinction between the oral sex she simulated on stage and women doing the cucumber challenge online. But aside from the fact that what she was doing was for a performance and that the evening took her there.

Honestly, I don’t see the difference. It would be naive of us to assume that Jill wasn’t trying to please, engage and entertain her audience. And there were, no doubt men in her audience. There is no difference. It would also be silly to assume that artists don’t receive some type of validation for being in front of a crowd of people doing something that they enjoy.

Still, I also understand the harassment Scott has received as a result of the video, which is why she wants to warn the youth that it might not be what they want. Still, she should be able to understand that social media gives us all an audience, it makes us all performers, in large and small scales. And instead of seeking to distinguish ourselves from women who do what we do, perhaps we could be a little bit more understanding.


Yes, Sexuality Is On A Spectrum: Tank Says Men Can Give Oral Sex To Another Man Twice & Not Be Gay

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Funk Fest Atlanta 2018 - Day 2

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Singer Tank is catching flack on social media, after saying that men can experiment with giving other men oral sex and still not be gay. Most of us know by now that sexuality is on a spectrum. Experimentation doesn’t necessarily give enough information to label someone else’s sexuality. But some folks on the Internet don’t see our sexual experiences as fluid as they are. But Tank does, and he’s calling out anyone who sees sexuality as black and white as a participant in homophobic narratives.

During a conversation with Angela Yee on her “Lip Service” podcast, the R&B crooner said

“He sucked a d*ck once, and then he’s like, ‘I’m not sure if I liked it or not. Let me try it again.’ And then he says, ‘You know what, it’s not for me. Don’t like the taste,’ see what Im saying?”

“It doesn’t mean he’s gay, it means he sucked dick twice.”

Of course, many folks on Black Twitter weren’t here for Tank’s POV, and the 43-year-old clapped back at the outrage, calling it homophobic.

“I said what I said, ya’ll so godd*mn homophobic,” he said on social media.

“Homophobia is real, and is just as real as racism, claim, all these things, and just as damaging. And it plagues our community the worst.”

Adding, “You can’t use a human being’s existence as a negative. We’re going through enough sh*t.”

 

At the end of the day, everyone can discuss their sexual history with their partner. If there are things they have done previously in bed that makes you uncomfortable, you don’t have to engage with them intimately. It’s less about labeling and more about being clear about your sexual history and being with someone who rocks with that.

You can read through more internet reactions here:





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